...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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