So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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