bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
