I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
