I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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