Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have aggressive nipples.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
