i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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