Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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