just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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