please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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