We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
