I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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