I want to walk on stilts...naked
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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