Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
