none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
