In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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