She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
