I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
