people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize