I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do vagina's smell?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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