this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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