i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
