Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
