Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
