Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
