a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
