I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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