I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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