Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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