dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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