my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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