OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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