Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
