Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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