Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you would pick up someone in the library
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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