I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
