i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
