I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
