just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
