I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
