You work out of a Hotel?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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