FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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