Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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