he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
