winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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