um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
