I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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