I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
