Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
