I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
