There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
