do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize