Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
