I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
