If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
