In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
