i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
