You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
