After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
