Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
