I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
