Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
