I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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